The good news is you do not have to tolerate your partner's violent, and or aggressive, and or abusive behaviour. You can begin to insist that they do something about it.
The bad news is that although we are confident that we can make an (enormous) impact with many individuals we cannot succeed with all of them. The worse news is that, although we are becoming more accurate all the time, we cannot really be sure beforehand with whom we are going to produce very good results and who is likely to fail.
However, if we decline to work with your partner then you can take it that we see no hope. If you take part with a partner in a first, joint meeting, you may hear your partner answer all kinds of question. If we are prepared to work with them there is some hope, but you need to be the judge of the success.
Often, too much damage to the relationship has been done before the person gets to us and sometimes the change is too little to satisfy a partner, although of course that change might be enormous for the individual.
Partners attend with a very wide range of behaviour problem which is linked to their emotions.
If your partner's behaviour is very controlling and very life threatening then you need to take this very seriously indeed. You need to find where your local Women's Aid is and where the refuge is and make your plans to go there.
Although we consider the partner is undertaking something for themselves, i.e. learning to manage their behaviour, if they undertake the work voluntarily you may choose to see it that they are investing time and effort and energy on you and your family. When a judge or Social Services demand it, then this question remains definitely unanswered.