This website is undergoing re-construction
For those seeking help to address / change their abusive behaviour to a wife or husband, a partner or former partner.
Next course dates:
London Harrow 30th & Oct 1st 2nd Oct 21st & 22nd
Oct 28th & 29th plus Nov 18th & 19th
Nov 25th & 26th plus Dec 16th & 17th
Dec 9th & 10th plus Jan 13th 14th
You can also make payments or donations via the same link. An application form can be downloaded from this link in word or from this in PDF
Payments for our work can be made via this link.
For those seeking help to address / change their abusive and or violent behaviour to a wife or
husband, a partner or former partner.
The safety of children needs to be the primary focus in this
type of work. That is why Temper Domestic Violence is gender neutral in its
work, enabling both men and women in heterosexual and gay and lesbian
relationships the opportunity to take part and bring about in themselves
changes which will improve the safety of their children, their partners,
current and future and themselves.
What is Temper?
Temper is a registered charity focused mainly on working
with people whose behaviour in their intimate relationships is a cause for
concern. We work closely with aggressive
people to help them understand why they behave in such ways and to help them
bring about changes in their behaviour.
Temper was devised
in 1994/5 and improvements are continuously being made in the light of the experience
of more than 1,000 clients who have completed the work, both men and women.
We work on the basis
that emotions drive behaviour, therefore emotional regulation is required. Duluth and accredited programmes follow the belief that it is all about "power and control". The late Ellen Pence who co-constructed the Duluth 28-32 session model nailed that mistake in 1999!
"Anger management" is often what is deemed to be needed by the
authorities and this was where we started. Emotions drive behaviour. It is
much more likely that an individual will need to learn how to "regulate" his or
her emotions. Anger may well be one of them, but some cases are really much
more about the primary emotions of fear, or disgust, or trust and other
secondary, discrete emotions, shame, jealousy, envy and others.
The course has three main components and a therapeutic thread.
a) Learning new skills with which to manage yourself in a couple relationship and understand yourself and your partner (and children) .
b) Learning about many different important aspects of yourself and your relationship.
c) Developing your awareness so that you can "regulate your emotions", rather than 'simply' managing your anger.
The more detailed themes of the intensive course are linked here in the
form of "3 strands".
Weekend 1 -Day 1 The child - emotional experiences and basic skills - listening, talking and feeding back
8 primary emotions
Weekend 1 - Day 2 The adolescent - position in the family. Experiential exercises, Developing insight Impact of children witnessing "behaviour".
Weekend 2 - Day 1 The young adult &sexuality. Violence and abuse in the relationship.
Weekend 2 - Day 2 The mature adult / parent. Regulating oneself and the management of personally
Following successful completion of the course, participants
receive a certificate and are entitled to on-going support.
To date more than 900 males and 100 females have completed the course, 100% with around 200
cases commissioned by social services. The course has also been
accepted by over 20 courts including family courts, many of which are named in page 2.
Emotions drive behaviour, not "power and control".
"Anger management" is
often what is deemed to be needed by the authorities. But since emotions drive behaviour
it is more likely that you need to learn how to "regulate your emotions
". Anger may well be one of them, but some cases are really more about
fear, or jealousy or "attachment".
"Affect regulation" is the expression for the new therapies which are now quickly emerging, resulting from the new sciences which are converging on emotions and which are slowly supplanting "Cognitive behavioural therapy" CBT.
Assuming you finish the course, we will continue to support you for up to a year by telephone and email and, for people who need it, further face-to-face work is available. Usually we want to make contact with youa further 3 times after 2 months, 6 months and 1 year to hear and check out how you are managing with your new skills.
If our project does not appear right for you or you are too far away to make use of it we would advise you to be very cautious when approaching the (pro-) feminist, RESPECT aligned projects. One man's experience of DVIP is recorded here. You may find alternatives at this link. Counselling-directory.org.uk .